Mark’s fostering journey
What made you choose fostering as a way of creating your family?
For us, it was a perfect way to give a safe and loving home to a child that needed it rather than going down the surrogacy route and bringing a new child into the world when there are so many out there already that need to be looked after.
What childcare experience did you have prior to fostering?
Other than looking after our nieces and nephews on the odd occasion, not a great deal! However, I subsequently worked at a youth club teaching cooking in a predominantly underprivileged part of the country which helped me realise the difference we could make to a young person’s life.
Going into fostering, did you have any concerns about the impact that being a gay couple might have on the child/children you care for?
To be honest, it wasn’t something that even entered our heads. That said, when we did get our children there was an initial apprehension surrounding school runs and how other parents possibly might have viewed us. However, that was short-lived as everyone was very supportive and accepting.
At West Sussex County Council, we strive to be inclusive – how has your experience from enquiry to post-approval been and is there anything we could do better?
To be honest, we were treated exactly the same as every other person who went through the process, which is exactly how it should be. Obviously, people coming from different backgrounds have different things to bring to the table, which goes to provide the diverse types of family arrangements that are now commonplace in society.
How have you addressed any tricky questions from the children you care for (or their friends) about you being a gay/lesbian couple?
Honestly, other than a child on our boys’ football team asking why they had two dads, nothing has ever actually been said. But in answer to the child’s question, we said, “It was because they were lucky”.
Can you share any positive feedback you’ve had from your child/children or their birth family about their them being cared for by a gay/lesbian couple?
The boys birth mother had told us that she found the whole process a lot easier having her boys looked after by a gay male couple, as she might have found it difficult having another woman looking after her children. The boys accepted us from the off without question and it’s never really been something they have queried or challenged in any way.
What advice would you give those in the LGBTQ+ community who are thinking of fostering/hosting a SL young person with us?
There is a huge shortfall in Foster Carers at the moment and with children staying at home a lot longer people find it harder to foster when they don’t have the space in their homes. Coming from LGBTQ+ backgrounds, generally, we won’t have families already and we have the room to offer a child. There is also a huge amount of support provided throughout the whole process by WSCC, you are never alone and once you begin fostering you will soon find your own support network which predominantly is made up of other Foster Carers who are always there to offer support and advice.
