Tracey’s fostering journey

My sister and brother-in-law had recently adopted a young boy, and I heard many stories about the Foster Carer he had been staying with. A few days after visiting them I saw a large advert for fostering on the back of a bus, asking if I could foster.

I spoke to my mum who said she thought it was the perfect thing for us to do as a family. I rushed home and spoke to my partner. We sat discussing the pros and cons and our journey began.

It did take us a while to make the phone call to enquire as we just didn’t know if we had the right skills, or any skills, that would allow us to look after other people’s children. We worried about the impact that fostering would have on our own children; we didn’t want our children to feel we were pushing them out or having to share us.

We knew we had lots of love to give and felt we had done an alright job with our own children.

I had a business, which I wound up, as I wanted to spend more time with my children, who were 9 and 11 and attended school 35 miles away.

Our fostering journey has been amazing! We had a fantastic Assessing Social Worker see us through the process, the sessions were long and we were often asked some very difficult questions, but she helped us explore all parts of our lives. We looked forward to these sessions and always felt lifted when she left. I felt quite sad when the sessions were over, as she had taught us so much about ourselves and I felt we had grown as a family.

We were fortunate when we went to panel as we ended up with two small children immediately. Our Social Worker went through the referral with us, and explained what everything meant, they felt and we felt this was a good match. There was no pressure on us to say yes.

We attended training courses and always had someone on hand to advise and guide us, I never felt out of my depth. There was lots of peer support too.

We have changed the age range of the children we foster to adapt to our changing family.

Surprises are – we realised this was our purpose in life. We have and continued to thoroughly enjoy fostering.

I wanted to try something different. I had read several articles and felt I had the right skill set to work with families in my own home to teach them to look after their family.

I felt we had the right set-up to give them semi-independence whilst living with a safety net.

I don’t know who was more nervous me or the parent. It is a role I absolutely love and wouldn’t change. I get a rush of endorphins now every time the phone rings and the new family are on the way. I feel extremely privileged to be able to have families come and stay. Many are mums /dads that have had a traumatic upbringing themselves; haven’t been parented therapeutically themselves. Some are addicts or are going through really tough times. We teach and support them to be the best mum/dad they can be.

I feel so fulfilled watching a mum/dad falling in love with their baby in front of my eyes. Many arrive shy and scared. Watching their confidence grow is incredible.

We are very spoilt working for West Sussex, there is a wealth of training to help us fulfil our role as a Foster Carer. These courses I feel have benefited us in parenting our own children. The training has taught me to be relaxed and deal with any bumps in our journey as opportunities to teach those in our care.

I have recently attended the Therapeutic Parenting with PACE course which has been very beneficial. It reminds us to look under the behaviour; to take a step back. We aren’t here to ‘fix’, we are here to teach and encourage them to come up with their solutions and help them to achieve their best.

The voice in my head, wow I was blown away with this course.

There is unlimited support, you are not alone.

My Supervising Social Worker is our whole-family support, she is my sounding board, my guru, I can ask her anything and she will support the family with everything. She never judges us.

Our support group is like attending a therapy session, I always come out feeling good and well supported, we have a WhatsApp group, too, which is a constant support.

I have so many highlights, I have been birthing partner to several of our mums.

When a parent contacts you several years later to remind you that they remember all those small things you did for them.

When a parent feels able to just cry in your arms, you know you have their trust. When you can laugh together and just chill.

When a parent learns a new skill and you celebrate together.

When you throw a birthday party that they have never experienced before.

When you help them go through a wish list that they never thought was possible.

When you get to say goodbye and they leave as a family.

When you helped out and took a teenager late at night, she stays for a few nights, but remains in touch because you made a difference when they needed it the most.

When you get that text saying: “It’s me, I don’t think I ever thanked you for being nice to me and for just being there.”

When a parent, after many weeks, finally feels confident to eat with you as a family.

When the child you are looking after stops breaking all the toys as they have finally realised the toys are theirs to keep they aren’t going to be sold for drugs.

When you are able to give them new experiences and teach them how good life can be.

I have faced what I felt at the time were challenges, but when you look back it wasn’t so bad. We are so equipped with training and support I have not felt alone or lost, I have been backed up by Social Workers or peers.

It’s tough when you realise no matter how much you put into the family that the help hasn’t been readily accepted and they remain hostile.

It’s sometimes hard to gain the parents trust, but I remind myself how they are feeling, what must it be like to be them at this moment in time? How would I feel if I had just given birth and then was placed with strangers – because this does happen sometimes. Just keep trying to put yourself in their shoes.

If you want a fulfilling life, where you wake up every day and realise you are doing something amazing, then foster!