Jo’s fostering journey

My family and I underwent lots of medical treatment to have a birth child. We were hugely fortunate this worked once – but not before or after. We applied to adopt when our daughter was two years old, but we had a negative experience and decided not to pursue this. When our daughter was five years old, we decided to explore the opportunity of fostering and had a hugely different and pretty amazing experience with everyone we encountered on our journey.

I am hugely busy – I am an Independent Visitor on a voluntary basis for a 13-year-old who I see one day a month and take to different social events. I have a husband working full time and a seven-year-old birth daughter. We currently foster four children – aged three, five, 11 and 14 – over each weekend throughout the month (not all together!). I am also a youth leader for church and work at Northbrook College 30 hours a week. I also babysit for Foster Carers on an ad-hoc basis, and we have short stayovers for up to several weeks.

I have a very supportive family and friend network as well as three close Foster Carer friends who we support.

I have learnt to compartmentalise the different roles I am in. I am hugely organised with an online calendar and Filofax! I also book time for myself as well as time for my own family and daughter. It’s a juggling act and very varied but it works!

My definite constant is my kung fu twice a week (I am one belt away from black) and I love training and sparring. I also like time walking the dog or cycling on my own as well as time with my immediate family and my extended family and friends.

My husband and I share the responsibility of dropping children to school/picking them up, and I keep on top or paperwork by doing it the same day or next day and keeping our Social Worker in the loop. I often get calls during the day with requests for taking on children which I always ask for all the information then discuss with my husband in the evening.

There can be allegations in our job at college as well as in any or many jobs. It is something to always be mindful of and recording accurate details and keeping information up to date is a must. I belong to the union for Chichester College Group and the union for fostering. I ensure there are paper trails of any information or where evidence might be required.

I’m getting to the point where some of my teenage stayovers are thinking about, or are starting, college. One of my boys does one day a week in Chichester campus. As with any conflicts of interest (I have some friends’ children at my campus) I record and notify my managers and ensure I am not involved in meetings with them as I feel this would be detrimental on both sides.

I think Fostering West Sussex is a very positive, supportive and forward-thinking organisation. They ensure we keep up to date with training, they support our family as a whole, as well as providing rewards and opportunities for our birth daughter, which makes her feel valued and included. There are lots of opportunities to meet other Foster Carers and children at organised events, or drop-in sessions. The Social Workers we have encountered have all been professional and genuinely cared and listened to us.

It has hugely benefitted me in understanding processes, challenges, opportunities and has given me a broader perspective of the whole fostering journey from a child’s perspective alongside the various professionals involved in their care. I can also see it from a foster family and Foster Carers point of view.

Yes, all the time! I have done numerous courses that are relevant to my pastoral role, my youth worker role, my Independent Visitor role and as a Foster Carer. It all overlaps and interlinks.

One of my young people fabricates things due to his trauma, but he’s older now and we have make-believe conversation when I pick him up, about how he’s been up all night DJing to thousands in Ibiza then got on a private jet to come to meet me. The stories with him vary and are very elaborate but it’s part of our routine now!

Definitely, definitely do it! If you have the capacity, go for it. It’s a huge learning curve – you never stop learning as every child is unique and has their own story and experiences. But we love it and are hugely grateful to be part of this amazing community!